As far back as I can remember, I never chose stress—it just slowly crept in. 🥴
Sure, I was always a bit of a worrier, especially after moving away from home for higher studies. The fast-paced life of a metro city, with its overwhelming energy and cultural diversity, often left me feeling lost and broken at a very young age. Ironically, what troubled me the most back then wasn’t the unfamiliar—it was trying to make sense of people who were similar to me.
I constantly felt torn—trying to fit in, seeking connection, yet unintentionally hurting others and losing sight of what truly mattered. If it weren’t for my parents, I might have given up on engaging with the world altogether and retreated into my shell.
I’ve never been the smartest, the wittiest, or the one who stood out in a crowd—but I was sincere. I worked hard. I was content going at my own pace, always holding on to the idea of living a meaningful life.
Still, anxiety found its way in—through college grades, the pressure to fit in, unrealistic career expectations, and self-doubt. Somewhere along the way, stress became an unwelcome, yet familiar companion. 😵💫
Despite having a solid support system — friends who felt like family, parents who always stood by me, and a brother who was my closest confidante — I still let stress take over. Looking back now, I realize it wasn’t the big things that broke me. It was the little, often senseless worries: not having a boyfriend, not being the smartest person in the room, not feeling pretty enough, being chubby, not having a childhood best friend, chasing unrealistic academic and career goals… the list was endless.
I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself. I wish I had known that none of those things defined my worth. But I didn’t — and somewhere along the way, all of it fed into this deep, creeping sense of inferiority.
Life kept happening. I kept stumbling between what mattered and what never should have. And while I know now that mistakes are how we grow, back then, they only made stress my unwelcome, all-too-familiar companion. 🤕
I lost a lot 😓 — worrying about outcomes I couldn’t control, stressing over the future, fearing losing people, and constantly doubting myself. I wish I had kept an open mind, or at least stopped trying so hard to fit in — because in doing so, I lost myself.
If only I had the courage to walk my own path back then, maybe my story would have been different. But time doesn’t rewind. I can’t undo what’s already been done.
And through it all, dear stress, you never really left my side. 🤕 You stuck around more loyally than most people ever did. Even as I entered a new chapter of life — marriage, a chance at something beautiful — I let you win again. I let you come between me and my partner. And in that fight, I lost the most precious feeling this world has to offer — the chance to be a parent. 💔
Thanks to you, stress, I now carry the baggage you left behind — regrets, guilt, weight I can’t seem to shed, and a suitcase full of insecurities. All of it, right here with me in my mid-thirties.
(Sounds a lot like a mid-life crisis, doesn’t it? 😬)
I’ve had enough of you. 😤
You’ve taken too much space in my mind, too much time from my life, and far too much peace from my heart.
This chapter — your chapter — ends now.
While I may never fully let go of the baggage I carry, I’ve slowly started to make peace with it. It’s still early days, but it feels good — really good — to finally listen to my heart more often. And the best part? My brain now tags along too.
That constant voice of “What will people think of me?” is finally beginning to fade — maybe it’s a mid-thirties thing, or maybe it’s just life finally sinking in.
Life, you’ve thrown some tough lessons my way. But you know what? I’m not afraid of you anymore. This newfound self-assurance — this quiet knowing that I can bounce back — keeps me going. Every single day.
I know I still have a lot to learn. There may be more bumps ahead, maybe even more heartbreak. But looking back over the past few months, I’ve realized something important:
No matter how silly or small my struggles seemed, they’ve all shaped me. And somehow, they’ve helped me build the courage to face life head-on.
And more than anything — I believe now.
That there will be more good days. More joy. More unexpected, beautiful surprises…
Just like there always have been. 😊
So, my dear Stress —
I know you’re still lurking, trying to sneak in even as I pen down these thoughts. But guess what?
You don’t scare me anymore.
So go ahead, show up if you must…
I’ll face you, fight you, and keep rising — every single time. 😅
Toodles! 👋
No Responses